Lone wolf in limerence !!!!!!!!!!
For almost 6 years from 1976 to 1982 lone wolf was suffering from limerence. So says the limerent object. It even extended up to 2012 when it was finally diagnosed. By whom? None other than the limerent object medic!!!
The poverty of lone wolf English is in some way now reduced with lone wolf's introduction to the word limerence. Is it possible? that lone wolf was indeed in love with her? How can anyone know the intense tribulations of the place, the songs and the fragrances that still make one recall the days, if not the limerent object? To his subjective self YES. To the medic, who if not careful sees everybody as a potential patient with a disease waiting to be named, NO. She named it limerence probably with the help of her Psychologist colleague.
To lone wolf, limerence falls on a scale between eros and agape; love in its perfectly selfish form and love that sacrifices self and waits yet travels patiently like a mellow brook. Limerence to him tends towards agape.To the medic, limerent object it might even lead to sexual fulfillment in finding a denoument towards physical gratification. By definition limerence need not end up so...as the next blog will illustrate.
So there starts the difference between the lone wolf and the medic.The happy, strong and responsible lone wolf and the jumpy medic! The medic cannot be blamed. She might by training and practice be conditioned to perceive the physiological and anything that is of the boy girl rolls down to the physical and the physiological.
But cant it be the other way around that the limerent tends to make utmost mellow to the HSP or even anyone and everyone that he sublimes such emotions to the agape end and grows in more desirable ways and outcomes?
Love, romance, limerence, dalliance, resonance, eros are the different shades of the same boy girl possibilities pictured in many works of art and fiction rooted in human life itself. So what did the lone wolf find after almost 30 years of waiting? She has discarded religion and calls herself an agnostic. Lone wolf immediately guessed she is only one step away from discarding others too and lo and behold she comes out with "why should I love my neighbour? let him mind his own business", in true confirmation of lone wolf intuition.
To him it is like the discarding of civilisation layer by layer much like the discarding of the clothes by the amorous dancer at nightclubs. And what have you finally; the naked limerent object shorn of everything of the good imagined for well nigh 3 decades. Even professing respect many times over found no way in such unexamined condiitoned existence of the Keralite. The limerent has not discarded however, the extreme conditioning of the milieu where anthing boy girl is viewed with suspicion.
The tunnel vision of an early ambition can do harm to the human being; de-personation and the reducing to the instrumental self. Like a hooded horse. A mother first, wife second and a doctor third. But where is the place for her in this gradation? In all, it is not her but she in relation to the children, husband and to the patient in that order. Not bad if it goes well with a general sacrificial going. But then it would go only with a spiritual self which she has discarded !!
The harm? No harm as long as she is cocooned in her comfortable existence. An existence to the extent that lone wolf knows had never occasion to be tested against tough situations thrown up by life. The biggest disaster that she had encountered may be her fathers' demise.
Her ambition by her own account was to be like her father (a natural Freudian admiration like many young girl's) a doctor. But that has taken a third place. In the order of preference. But has not lost its capacity to treat a person like an object (eg. neighbor indifference). Even her education in the late 80s in the med school serves only as a trophy to scare anyone away with empty threats of having been there in the late eighties. The little Transactional Analysis she learned helps her in no way other than putting others in lesser light. ( I am ok , you are not ok).
I was remembered for the intense competitive feelings that I evoked, because to her I was the only one whom she thought would outsmart her. And as for anyone who knows lone wolf, he is in competition with none except himself. The psycho analysis? She needs a foil even to be competitive. Conversely, her competition is an outlet for her aloofness and apathy not an enriching of self and the society. If only she would listen to her brighter side!
What does it entail? A medic's garb that narrows one's mind in a specialised hole of a profession that in its original is noble but from the stories of the med school ignoble. By the time one is in the 2nd year it is easy to forget that one was treated like scum last year but now one is qualified to treat newcomers as scum. So much for education too that still retains the barb but lost out on the refinement that should have come about in so many years to anyone had she not discarded the beliefs and the neighbours. Neither has she replaced the discarding with anything else worthwhile as far as lone wolf intelligence goes.
So we come back to the real question. Was lone wolf in limerence? Yes of course. Lone wolf regressed her to age 10 and decided to nurture her in alternate history to improving the interior decoration as much as the landscaping. And she could be an intense character in his upcoming story yet to be named. Ther are multiple worlds, science reports. Goes well with the social science observation that there are as many worlds as there are people.
The penal code does not list limerence as a crime, the DSM IV does not list limerence as a disorder. Either way, neither do I require anyone's permission to be in limerence or wishing everyone the best.
My efforts to throw her out of my bones in the proper way is made all the more difficult........Just delayed ......Never mind....
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