What it means to be blessed

In the many tribulations that I have endured, one thing stands out. I have an overwhelming sense of meaning. That is to say that in spite of the many trials that I have endured, I have a general sense of well being.

I have tried to analyse this condition. First life at 7 years on was miserable for one reason or the other. I had a perfectly safe and sound life till then. I had to come over to Kerala since my father had left the Air Force. This led to an almost immediate reduction in the quality of the schools till fourth standard but more than that I was disturbed with every change halfway through the year.

The result I believe is that the relative impermanence of these stints gave me a subconscious feeling that relationships dont last. Almost immediately most of my relationships come to an end. Or rather I expected relationships to be impermanent.


Simultaneously I also developed an independence of mind probably as a result. Because if impermanence is the hallmark then I need to depend on myself.

Endurance of the spirit those days was a matter of individual fight in silence and sometimes prayer. There was no dearth of the church and its festivities. Years later I turned after a lull in the prayerful way and suddenly I realised the hidden strengths that the early days had built in. Knowing God at an early stage in the face of disease, isolation and general helplessness did my vital springs richness beyond any other.

Also it gives a sense of direction that is less conscious than the usual goal setting. That whatever be the distractions, there is this thing at the end that is as sure as death. What is the thing. May be God or may be the fulfilment of having lived a life that was less violent , less sinful , moderate and so on.....